he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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