I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
