I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
