glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
