I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
