pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
