Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
