If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
being pregnant is like rehab
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Please don't give away my fajitas
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