I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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