You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
