Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
