drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
