Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
