yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What a dumb baby whore.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
