omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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