I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
