I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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