You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
