here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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