I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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