garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
