Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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