Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
