genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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