She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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