That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
