Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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