WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
