no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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