And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
