I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
