If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
