My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
