I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
