I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
