Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
