if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
