Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
