I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
