you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
