She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
