If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
