Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
