I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
