Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
