No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
