if i can run in heels then i can drive
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
