I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
