If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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