I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
