Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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