I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
