I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
