Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
honey bunches of taint.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I will be naked everywhere
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You made out with two different species that night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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