Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
